So for those of you who haven't heard, Joel and I were in a car accident on Friday night. Before I go into much detail I assure you all that we are truly alright...our bodies are sore but we are alive. Our muscles will heal but it wasn't any fun :( We were hit by a drunk driver in Mara. My car is not drivable and sitting in Salmon Arm waiting for the verdict on whether or not it will be fixed. In no way am I looking for any sympathy I just want to share that we are okay....and how we feel today. My poor son. He covered his head and eyes as this guy came barreling at us, not even attempting to brake. After he hit us, for a split second he was frozen and didn't want to open his eyes. Because I didn't make any noise right away, his little mind thought that if he opened his eyes, he would find me dead. That was his very first thought. Obviously, I thought the same thing about him. For what seemed like eternity, I was afraid to look over. How could this be? I lost 2 sons already and now this. I don't know if Joel and I have ever hugged so tight. You see, we had 2 angels holding us ...not letting go until they knew we were safe. It could have been so much worse and we are both convinced that we were protected from devastating harm....Thank God.
When I got out of my car that guy sure heard it from me. Please don't be disappointed Mum but I dropped every "F" bomb known to man on that guy telling him "God help you right now because I am about to punch you in the face for trying to kill my son" Obvs I didn't hit him but he is lucky. The flood of emotion that came over me realizing how he made such a selfish decision by driving like that ...that could have cost me another child?!!!!? You can not begin to imagine what went trough my mind. Why are there such selfish people in this world? Do they not know that there are other people who live on this planet that families love? As some woman came over to his car and pulled out a baby seat I just shook my head. He doesn't know what its like to lose a child...and even in that moment of hate i didn't even wish it on him. I wouldn't wish this feeling on even my worst enemy. No one deserves this. Not even Mr. Stupid who lives in Mara....(kinda wish I hit him now that I think about it)
So now that I have vented I want to say this. My life confuses me. I do not for one moment understand why I have been given a life of constant sorrow. I have made mistakes... lots of them. But I have never once intentionally tried to harm anyone. I have loved and lost...I have had my heart broken into a million pieces...I have been made a fool by many. Gossiped about...been hated for reasons I do not know...I have not made any mistake yet though, that has not been redeemable..or so I see it. For those of you reading this who have persecuted me for things that were simply not true, or none of your business...try walking a day in my shoes. Trust me, you will not like it. You could not even stand it for 20 minutes if you could read my heart. I am not a hater, but I have a long memory and I will never forget the people who have harmed me or my children.
Forgiveness you all have....but forgetting is not an option.
I leave you with this.....for every person who has hurt me or my children, I have 20 people who love us more than they can explain. I have seen the hearts of many...and the love we have been shown is unforgettable. I could never in all my years be able to repay the mercy and grace that have been shown us. And i will never forget ...because like i said...I have a long memory.
Thank God we are alive xo
