December 25th

Well, we have just finished our first Christmas without Daniel on this earth with us.
It's funny how just the anticipation of this day has taken it's toll on us all.  Daniel loved Christmas very much.  And although he was blessed to spend last year with Therese and her wonderful family, it still felt different not having him near us.  Last year we Skyped and I would give ANYTHING to have at least that this year. 

The holidays are hard on families and friends who have lost loved ones.  The first is always the most difficult it seems.  When we lost the baby it was February, so we had a little time to prepare our selves.  And we had already endured many other milestones before Christmas arrived. (I found Easter very hard for some reason that year...).  Today my heart ached for so many.  People I know who lost parents (any loved one actually) and of course parents who lost children.  It's not easy when you are used to spending the holidays as a family.  Traditions, a seat that is now empty.  There is a void everyday but it's amplified when days like this aren't as they should be. I, for one, am fortunate to have so many people who care about me, and who think of my children, sending love and wishes our way.  We wouldn't be able to enjoy anything without the love and support we have received.  But you know, in lots of ways, December 25th is like most days.  We miss Daniel every single minute of all days...and today wasn't any different.  He was a huge part of our lives, he loved us, he was the life of the party every year since his very first Christmas.  We missed that today.  Lainey hung three stockings, and Santa only filled two.  When I shopped this season I found so many things I wanted to buy him, but I couldn't.  Such a humble boy.  Our forever thankful Daniel.

I saw Julian the other day and Kayne, Kurt and Jordan came over today. We saw Taylor and Kyle at the ski hill...I can not tell you how much their hugs mean to us.  I know they all miss him more than they can describe.  These boys (and many others) have been through so much, but they still took time out of their busy day to make a big deal about us. The friends who couldn't be here this year made sure to send their love one way or the other.  It was the best part of my Christmas in a lot of ways.  Knowing that they made a promise to remain close to Daniel's brother and sister...and to me.     A lot can be learned from this group of friends.  Daniel's friends, Derrick's friends, Frankie's friends, Neil's friends, Gerald's friends.

Also, December 24th is Steven's birthday.  Aside from last year, I am not sure Daniel ever missed his dad's special day.  Steven and Lisa always come home and Daniel always spent the evening with them.  Tonight, I want to say...Steven...Happy Birthday.  I am so pleased to have been able to be with you and Lisa and your family for a visit last night. Thank you for my boy.  He has your looks, your walk, your teeth.  He was very proud of you.  And despite how complicated life sometimes got, Daniel loved you so much.  He was proud to be french, and he loved that he looked like you.    Thank you for loving Joel and Lainey.  And I wish for wonderful days ahead for you with some peace in your heart and soul.



Merry Christmas everyone.
Hug your children, your parents, your friends.
Let people be who they need to be.
Don't judge, be sweet.
Lead by example, don't push.
But most of all, never be afraid to tell the people that matter how you feel.
Tell them what they mean to you.
Let them know that they are important and meaningful.
It's not weak, on the contrary it's brave.
We need to have more love in this world.
Love is louder.


Be well,
Stace

So you say i should be thankful....

....enter our very first family celebration without Daniel...pretty shitty to tell the truth.  As we all got together and had our dinner, there was indeed a somber note to it all...there was someone missing...and it was obvious.  We all tried to be brave and enjoy it all...but we were all thinking the same thing all day long.  He should be here, end of story.  And its not fair.

My sister in law asked the kids and i what we all thought would be Daniel's favorite part of the family dinner.  We all answered "the stuffing".  Next to the very obvious traditional "Thanksgivin'er" celebration with his friends on a weekend such as this, stuffing was his favorite part of Thanksgiving.

I have to tell you that Daniel was the most thankful person I have ever known.  Even when he was a little boy, he made sure to always thank people, and God for his many blessings.  The other day I found a letter to Santa that he wrote.  My guess is that he was about 7 years old when he wrote it.  It was on a little piece of paper scrawled in his little boys writing...this is what it said...

Dear Santa,

I hope you have a marry Xmas

I have a little treat for you on this plate.

It is chocolate

Thank you for visiting the Thur home

Love Daniel

He was really just so happy to be giving and thankful. :( my little boy.

In the same box I found an even smaller piece of paper with a note on it written to the maids at a hotel they were staying at in Edmonton when he went with Ms. Davis and her grade 8's.  (a trip, by the way, that literally changed the direction of his life. So inspired by the people he met there...)  I wish there was a way that you could all see how he wrote it (in not much better handwriting than when he was 7)  This is what it said.....

Dear Maid (s)
Consider this a very small ($5)
Thank you for your hard work
to make our band's trip great.
I know it's not much, but please accept
it as my thanks.  Your work is truly appreciated.
-Daniel J. Levesque

The maid(s) even wrote him a note on the back telling him how sweet he is.  Imagine how that lady's heart was warmed when she read this little note?  I just think it was so sweet of him to even keep it.  He kept so many things that he considered important, and they all tell such a beautiful story of the beautiful soul whom I miss more every single day.

On a single piece of paper from the Cooper's meat department, he thanked God for his blessings

You have blessed me with many gifts, my Lord,
But I know it is my task to realize them.
May I never underestimate my potential.
May I never lose hope.
May I find the strength to strive for better,
the courage to be different,
and the energy to give all that I have.

Who writes this at work on his break? My son, the blessed boy.  He knew he was something special.  He was thankful and kind.  And he made sure we all knew it.  He lived by his word.  He was, in a lot of ways, a good example.  He valued his family, his friends, his music, his life.  He wanted to be great, and always remembered where he came from. 

So now, I guess it's my turn to be thankful..... I am thankful for the 20 years I had with my son.  Thankful that he loved me despite my flaws. He showed me love when I needed it, he wiped my tears.  He built me up when my heart was broken, and he made me feel like I was beautiful and  the best mum in the whole world (even though I fell short of that on many occasions)  He thanked me over and over after he left home, for making him who he was, for giving him rules and instilling virtue in his life.  He was thankful that he was born.  And despite how this has all turned out....I will still always feel like I was the blessed one, to have
Daniel Jordan Levesque as my first born son, my beautiful baby boy. 

Thank you Daniel, for your life and your love. I miss you more than words can ever explain. xo