Well, we have just finished our first Christmas without Daniel on this earth with us.
It's funny how just the anticipation of this day has taken it's toll on us all. Daniel loved Christmas very much. And although he was blessed to spend last year with Therese and her wonderful family, it still felt different not having him near us. Last year we Skyped and I would give ANYTHING to have at least that this year.
The holidays are hard on families and friends who have lost loved ones. The first is always the most difficult it seems. When we lost the baby it was February, so we had a little time to prepare our selves. And we had already endured many other milestones before Christmas arrived. (I found Easter very hard for some reason that year...). Today my heart ached for so many. People I know who lost parents (any loved one actually) and of course parents who lost children. It's not easy when you are used to spending the holidays as a family. Traditions, a seat that is now empty. There is a void everyday but it's amplified when days like this aren't as they should be. I, for one, am fortunate to have so many people who care about me, and who think of my children, sending love and wishes our way. We wouldn't be able to enjoy anything without the love and support we have received. But you know, in lots of ways, December 25th is like most days. We miss Daniel every single minute of all days...and today wasn't any different. He was a huge part of our lives, he loved us, he was the life of the party every year since his very first Christmas. We missed that today. Lainey hung three stockings, and Santa only filled two. When I shopped this season I found so many things I wanted to buy him, but I couldn't. Such a humble boy. Our forever thankful Daniel.
I saw Julian the other day and Kayne, Kurt and Jordan came over today. We saw Taylor and Kyle at the ski hill...I can not tell you how much their hugs mean to us. I know they all miss him more than they can describe. These boys (and many others) have been through so much, but they still took time out of their busy day to make a big deal about us. The friends who couldn't be here this year made sure to send their love one way or the other. It was the best part of my Christmas in a lot of ways. Knowing that they made a promise to remain close to Daniel's brother and sister...and to me. A lot can be learned from this group of friends. Daniel's friends, Derrick's friends, Frankie's friends, Neil's friends, Gerald's friends.
Also, December 24th is Steven's birthday. Aside from last year, I am not sure Daniel ever missed his dad's special day. Steven and Lisa always come home and Daniel always spent the evening with them. Tonight, I want to say...Steven...Happy Birthday. I am so pleased to have been able to be with you and Lisa and your family for a visit last night. Thank you for my boy. He has your looks, your walk, your teeth. He was very proud of you. And despite how complicated life sometimes got, Daniel loved you so much. He was proud to be french, and he loved that he looked like you. Thank you for loving Joel and Lainey. And I wish for wonderful days ahead for you with some peace in your heart and soul.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Hug your children, your parents, your friends.
Let people be who they need to be.
Don't judge, be sweet.
Lead by example, don't push.
But most of all, never be afraid to tell the people that matter how you feel.
Tell them what they mean to you.
Let them know that they are important and meaningful.
It's not weak, on the contrary it's brave.
We need to have more love in this world.
Love is louder.
Be well,
Stace
