I Wish For Better Days Ahead

I wish for better days ahead.  Days that we don't wake up with news of another one taken too soon.

This blog sure is sad.  I wish there was better news to report week to week but unfortunately there is always another hurdle to jump, another tear to shed and another bit of broken heart.

This week this poor little town lost another child.  Another of Daniel's friends, a close friend to Frankie Brunetti,who joined Daniel in September. His name is Gerald Wesley Mower.  Gerald was like a brother to many I care about.  He grew up in Revelstoke and has hundreds of friends.  I knew Gerald and I liked him very much.  He was so sweet to me when I saw him for the first time after we lost Daniel (of course he was always sweet to me when he saw me...but this time, of course, was different).  He hugged me so tight and wept with me.  He shared with me his love and respect for Daniel and assured me, if there was anything he could ever do for me, he would be there.  I know that he and Daniel didn't ALWAYS see eye to eye but he respected Daniel for having his own mind and thoughts, and always, sometimes after they both cooled off, came back to being friends.  Gerald, like Frankie, is a year older than Daniel but they shared a close knit group of friends.  So close that when I see the list of pallbearers, the repetitive names
BREAKS MY HEART!!!   I know for a FACT that there are a very many people reading this right now who have never had this important job bestowed on them.  It makes me sad that I had to choose people in Daniel's life to do it.  I feel awful.  At the time I was trying so hard not to forget someone and in fact, maybe some wished they had been over looked.  It is NOT RIGHT to have to carry the coffin of your best friend at such a young age.  But what do we mothers do?  How do we choose?  I want so badly to go back in time and start this year all over again.  Many sons and daughters in this community who are under the age of 30 have way too many funeral remembrance cards in their dresser drawers.  Daniel has Derrick Smith's, and now I save all of the others for him.  The pile is too large.  I can't believe it. 

We are not supposed to outlive our children.  And 20 yr olds are not supposed to bury their friends.  Somehow, somewhere, things got really backwards.
I wish I had more wise words, but I am lost.  I am lost without answers and left with more questions.

To All the Moms and Dads out there who have had to watch their children's hearts break, I wish you well helping them through these sad days.  It's not easy for me to see the ones Daniel loved the most live through sorrow and grief, so I can imagine their parents.

To all of Gerald's friends, be brave tomorrow and always.  Hold each other tight.  And i hope the tears will stop soon.  There HAS to be better days ahead........

These Days Are Sad and Long

Well it's been a while since I was here.  Again I found it hard to write these last few weeks.  They have been hard.  Harder than the weeks before for some reason.  I ache, and grief is my new best friend. It follows me in my every step and i ache with every breath that I take.  My poor boy :(   I am starting to feel the anger now....

Revelstoke  buried another son today.  The sadness in this town is immeasurable.  My heart and soul relives the sadness felt on August 4th (the day we all found out), now 2 months passed.  Olindo Frank Brunetti, my son's friend, has now joined him in a place so lucky to have them.  Although I did not know Frankie, I saw his beautiful face many times around town.  And his name was often spoken by Daniel, they meant a lot to each other.  I am standing by watching all the people that meant the most to Daniel suffer.  I can not explain the feeling.  Tonight, as I know his friends are mourning another great loss, I can not help but weep at the fact that tonight, I should be holding my sons head up, wiping his tears and telling him that everything will be alright again....someday.  What a long and tearful journey we all have ahead of us.  Sometimes I don't want to even walk it.  It would be easier to sit in one spot and let it consume me.  But at home I have, two more beautiful children to care for, to be strong for....and I don't know how I am doing it, but I am.


I have so much to say and yet nothing that will help.  To all of those who love Neil Martin, to those who love Jake Gericke, to the ones who love Frankie Brunetti, and of course to all of you who love my Daniel....may peace find us all....someday ....soon....