Well here I am again. It's been a long week. Now with the Tribute concert behind us I can honestly say that it's been really hard to write on here. I think I am experiencing a little bit of denial as I can say quite literally that it doesn't seem real. Until today. My son is never coming home. I will never gaze on his face or hear him tell me that he loves me. I won't watch him get married, I wont be blessed to love his children. I will never again feel his arms wrapped around me hugging me so tight like he used to. I am sad. Actually, sad just doesn't cut it. There is no word in the English dictionary to describe what I am right now.
I received in the mail a letter from the provincial government addressed:
"To The Estate of the Late Daniel Levesque".
Our wonderful province felt it necessary to inform me that Daniel does not qualify for any more HST rebates because his death fell prior to the cut off date for the October installment. Guess what BC government...thanks for the info...his death actually fell short of a basic 60 years in my opinion. *PS I don't want their stupid money anyway...It just made me remember when my baby died in 1995. He died on the 17th of February. I got my Child Tax Credit (back then called "Baby Bonus") on the 20th and before even a month had passed, I got a similar letter informing me that I owed the province $35 reimbursement because he died too close to the 20th of the month for them to stop his portion of the payment for that month. I cried that day, just as I cried this day. No one should get letters from anyone made out to their child's "ESTATE". It sucks. Today was a bad day. One of hundreds or maybe thousands still waiting for me in the years ahead. Lucky me.
What does give me some comfort is when I reflect on the important things that have happened in the last few days....
The Benefit Concert
What an amazing night. I was so pleased, honoured and touched by all who were involved. From the musicians, to the organizers, to the volunteers and even to the audience who came and cheered us all on.. Daniel would have been so touched and moved at all the love that was shown. Thankful does not even begin to describe what my heart feels. To Tessa Davis and Steve Smith, my deepest, warmest, admiration is yours. You put together the most awesome program filled with so much amazing talent. You accomplished everything that you set out to. You made all who listened, cried, laughed feel like this was something that was not to be missed. What an honour and tribute it was to my son, the music lover, the song singer, the saxophone player, the jazz fan. All of it. Amazing. I will never forget. And for those who haven't heard, they raised almost 10,000 dollars for the Daniel Levesque Memorial Scholarship. Thank you all for loving him, and us. I know I have said it before but this city is the most gracious and merciful city ever. Thank you.
As I climb this ever growing mountain of confusion, hurt and sadness please know that for every bad day, we long for a better day. For every hug, we feel loved. For every kind word or gesture, we feel blessed and, for every person on this earth that has thought about us, prayed for us and sent love our way.... we feel it all.
Thank you for supporting us, we feel like the luckiest, unlucky family in the world.
Be Blessed
Stacey
http://www.bclocalnews.com/kootenay_rockies/revelstoketimesreview/community/129627798.html
