Mother's Day

So here it is.  My first Mother's Day without Daniel.  I know it's just another day...but clearly, the unfairness of this past years events are on my heart and mind a bit more today.  Daniel is who made me a mother, first.  He was around for 19 Mother's Days .  I have kept every card and gift I ever got from ALL of my kids, the ones they made in school, the ones they picked out on their own.  All of them mean the world to me. I wish I was brave enough to look at them....

For those who didn't know Daniel well, he was very non materialistic in a lot of ways.  He didn't like the "hoopla" of marketing.  He didn't like how commercialism kind of took away from what really mattered in most holidays.  I can almost hear him now getting up on his soap box and preaching about how silly it is to pick a special day to appreciate all the moms in the world because "we should appreciate them everyday!!", he would say in his strong , lecture voice.  haha ... his friends who read this will know exactly what I am talking about.

But the true fact was, Daniel was a big mush pot when it came to me.  And contrary to how I may have come across in my last post...Daniel did love me very much.  I knew it, he always told me.

(NOTE: I was super angry last time I posted and what I was really trying to get across was the fact that I am having a really hard time with my OWN regret and shame, not that Daniel EVER made me feel badly.  His love for me was unconditional, I just look back now and wish things had gone smoother in our sometimes chaotic life together)

Anyway, Daniel did love Mother's Day....Last year I received from him the most beautiful gift.  He asked to spend some time with me that day.  We had a short visit because we both worked but he sat in my car and he handed me a small piece of paper, all folded up perfectly.  It looked like a note you would pass in class (not that I ever did that haha).  He said to me "Mum, I love you so much, and it doesn't take a day that some earthly greeting card maker made up to tell you.  I wanted to get you something you would treasure.  So I wrote you a poem.  Plus...I am kinda broke :) "

Well...that poem.  It took me a day or so to read it if you can believe.  I knew I would cry, and I did.  And he was right, I do treasure it.  And always will.  This is the poem.

Mother

Like the moon decides, ocean tides

So a mother creates the character of "I"

My Mum's sweet love has made me a man

I was cherished from the day I was held in hand.

To my Mum I owe strength, wisdom and love

and the knowledge of God and Heaven above

Though our view of the world may differ or vary,

I will always have my mother to care for me

Beautiful words from a beautiful child.  He sums us up perfectly, and indeed a bit prophetic.  It was just like all the stars were aligning, even then, the end was so near.  Neither of us knew it...but we almost did.

Daniel's good friend Jackson had those words, in Daniel's replicated handwriting tattooed on his side.  It's beautiful and so touching.

It makes me so happy to see how much all of Daniel's friends love their mothers.  It's so obvious.  They make no secret of it, and that's just as it should be.

So many of them even messaged me or called today, knowing how much it would mean to me, and to him.  They really are an amazing bunch of young people.  I am so blessed. 

To all of the other mothers who are living through Mother's Day with a baby in heaven, God bless you.  It's not the same....our hearts are not yet healed and this " earthly greeting card maker's" idea of a special day for us, is just another reminder of how much we wish we could turn back time, and relive last May, because our life was a lot less broken then....

One More Time

It’s an overstatement for any parent to go on and on about how much they love their children.  It is a fact that, fortunately for mankind in general, most parents love and care for their children.   For if we didn’t, the world would be in an even bigger mess than it sometimes seems to be.  It did not take Daniel’s death to make me realize just how much he meant to me, because I truthfully always knew how deep and vast my love is for that boy who changed my life.  By sparing you all the many details surrounding Daniel’s birth, I can honestly write about how more than anything I wished for Daniel to grow to be a healthy well adjusted man, despite my many mistakes, and my own faults.  I believe that I really did do a good job.  He was so many things to so many people, a kind and generous soul who was happy to lend an ear, a dollar or a hug to anyone who needed it.  I am still very VERY proud for what Daniel became in his short 20 years and like it has been said over and over in this blog, his death has left a hole so deep, no amount of time, or happiness will ever fill it up. 

What has happened is that my shortcomings, as a human being, and a mother are right in front of my face at every quiet moment I have.  Even after 9 months, I still feel the searing pain of some of the hard times I had with Daniel while he was growing up, and most certainly, they weren’t always his mistakes.  I admit that I did not know Daniel’s every facet of life.  There  were things he did and felt that he definitely kept from me.  Some, probably out of shame, for he knew how I would feel, and some out of love because he never wanted to be the cause of any more tears than I had already had.   I say here and now that I most certainly expected too much from Daniel.  He was “the man” of the house for a lot of years and even though I didn’t intentionally make him take that role, it was his role nonetheless.  I also put many restrictions on Daniel as a teenager.  Some that I look back on now and wish I could have maybe let up a bit so that he didn’t always feel like he was failing….struggling to be who HE wanted to be, and having me perceive that he was something else.  I wasn’t dumb.  I knew that when my watchful eye wasn’t directly on him that he was doing things that I didn’t like.  All kids do, and will continue to do.  But maybe I didn’t have to be so angry at times, for his short comings, after all, he ALWAYS forgave mine. 

One thing I know Daniel learned from me was the ability to, after one of our blow outs, be able to take responsibility for his part in our disagreements, as I tried my best to do the same.  We were always good like that.  I didn’t want him to be perfect, I just wanted him to be a good person.

I also admit that I was not always aware of Daniel’s emotional trials.  His being torn between the “worldy life” and the rules I had set for him.  He and I had a very dark time for a few long months when he was in high school.  He so desperately wanted to be a man.  Be 19 when he was 16.  I remember telling him how he had “lots of time” to do all the things he wanted when he was older…”please Daniel, just be a kid!!”  It was hard for him.  Right or wrong, instilled in his heart was a faith that could move mountains and through all the difficult times, he felt compelled to want to be more.

What compounds the grief of losing a child (or 2) is trying to come to terms with the regret and the sorrow of arguments passed.  I find it hard at times living with myself knowing that I am a better mother to Joel and Lainey because I know a bit more about life itself, than I did when Daniel was their age.  I know that I did the best that I could.  And I loved him more than anything.  I loved him MORE than I love myself, and I always told him that.

The day that he was leaving for Victoria he had an almost prophetic conversation with me.  Sitting in my car as I drove him to Arrow Heights to give Lainey a goodbye hug, he said to me…

“Mum, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about how I was as a kid.  And I want to say I am sorry.  I am sorry I worried you and let you down. I want you to know how thankful I am that you mothered me so strictly because I would not have made it without you.  Please think about your restrictions with Joel as he enters his late teen years.  Always remember that he is not me.  And you don’t have to worry as much about him.  He’s a good kid Mum.  Don’t smother him” 

To which I sweetly replied “Daniel, you were never a bad kid, and I am truly sorry for not understanding you the way you wished I had.  I only wanted best for you and I love you so much.”

We cried and hugged and agreed that we had both grown.  And forgiveness was ours.  What a moment.  Imagine having that conversation a short 7 weeks before you would never see each other again.  Prophetic…necessary, and loving.

Make no mistake, aside from the sometimes wild acts of partying and living it up that Daniel hid from me, we were as close as any parent and child could be.  We were similar people, and we were madly in love.  There wasn’t anything either one of us wouldn’t do for each other…and there still isn’t.

As you read this you can easily tell that it’s not been the best of times, as the clock ticks, and the calendar flips, and there is no real closure with Daniel’s murder.  I sometimes lay in bed wide awake wondering how any person close to the coward responsible for Daniel’s death, can themselves sleep at night.  Why is their life allowed to continue without a second thought? While our world has caved in, and we are digging through all the rubble left behind.  Some may say it’s not his parents fault, or his siblings but guess what….Steven cries EVERYDAY for his precious son!  I am rocked to the core with grief and anxiety every day…for my son.  Daniel’s brother and sister’s lives have been FOREVER altered…at the hands of someone who thinks he has got away with murder.  Well, I have news for all of them.  It’s not over. 

I cannot predict how the law is going to handle this person.  I cannot say if there will be a trial or not.  I cannot say that there will ever be any accountability for his actions but I do know this, We WILL have justice for our son.  We WILL NOT stop fighting for Joshua Bredo to be punished for Daniel’s death.  And we WILL NOT lie down and let evil win.  Be it on this earth or not, fate will have it so that we will be heard.  Daniel will be heard.  His story will be told and we will survive.

I guess I didn’t mean to be so angry today and maybe what I am trying to get across is that this is REALLY hard.  I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I made with Daniel, because he forgave me.  I also know that being a parent is easily the hardest job on this earth, but loving our kids is the easiest one.  I know Daniel knew how much I loved him, it was never in question, I just wish I could tell him One…More…Time…

Love For Daniel

And can it be 

that in a world, so full and busy,

the loss of one creature 

makes a void SO wide

and deep

that nothing but the 

width, 

and depth

of eternity 

can fill it up

- Charles Dickens

In the midst of our immense loss, or seemingly relentless sorrow and worry, some of the most amazing people have come into our lives.  Offering love, support, prayers, uplifting words of encouragement.  We have laughed, we have cried, and all the while....all those who love us, have kept the faith...kept the love....for Daniel.

It was not long after Daniel's death that a few of his friends approached me with an idea that has become an amazing tribute of love, faith and support.

Credit must be paid to Sarah Kiengersky, Coleson Lecompte and Jenn Howe.   All three of these wonderful souls love Daniel.  I am also privileged to call them my friends.

I can not be sure how this all got started but all three of them asked me separately how I felt about having bracelets made in honor  and support for Daniel.  What they proposed was that we get together and order those plastic bracelets (like the "Livestrong" movement") in Daniel's name.  I found the idea to be just exactly fitting.  Some research was done but with summer holidays and busy schedules, plans weren't solidified immediately....
Then one day, Lainey and I were in Coopers and she said to me "Mummy, do you know how happy I will feel if I am walking in the grocery store, or anywhere in town, and I see someone wearing Daniel's bracelet?"
At that moment I thought...we have to do this straight away.  She was right.  Our little town was so rocked by Daniel's murder I just knew that we could all show our support by just simply wearing a red bracelet.
I went home that afternoon and in talks with my sister in law Jennifer, she immediately offered up a contact she had with a bracelet maker she has dealt with in Vancouver called LANYARDS PLUS.  Joel and Kyler were there (Kyler is Joel's best friend) and they piped up and wanted to be involved.  After much brainstorming we decided to jump in!  The benefit concert on September 10 was soon approaching so we wanted to try to get some made for that special night.  We decided that because red was Daniel's favorite colour they should be red.  In the beginning, I was thinking they should say "Justice For Daniel", because that's what we all want, but a friend of Daniel's in Victoria whose name is also Daniel (Daniel Elliott from the Baja Surf Grill to be exact) suggested that "Justice For Daniel" was what we all want, but "Love For Daniel" was what we all already have.  He was right.  And so was born, Love For Daniel, the already name of this blog, and the name we all now wear on our wrists.

Jennifer made some calls.  With a bit of a miracle, and the kindness of one man's heart, we had a promise that 2000 bracelets were going to be at my doorstep on or before September 10th, the day we so badly wanted them.  Joel and Kyler created a Facebook group and the movement began.

 Joel and Kyler got writing, and this is their wish.......

 

"Welcome to Love For Daniel!! A place where people can learn about our cause and our mission. Share pictures and stories of your bracelets.

Daniel Jordan Levesque was a 20 year old musician and poet who was tragically taken from this earth on August 3 2011, in Victoria British Columbia. My name is Joel Thur, I am 15 and Daniel is my big brother. I have a baby sister who is 12 and a mum who has now lost her second son tragically. My best friend Kyler Lenzi,14, and I have created this page to raise awareness on a few important things.
Daniel is from Revelstoke, a small little town in the interior of British Columbia. He lived his whole life here until his move to Victoria in June 2011. He was a small town boy not really prepared for the big city. Kyler and I want to show the world our love for my brother by promoting bracelets that say "Love for Daniel" on them. We want them world wide. We want people from all walks of life to see the importance of preparing children who leave our small towns for the big city life. I miss my brother. I am proud of who he was. And I want the world to know him. If you would like to purchase a bracelet, the cost is $5.00 CDN and $1.00 S/H. All proceeds go to a trust fund set up for the well being of Daniel's family. Please feel free to share stories and pictures of your bracelets and where you are wearing them proudly. Did you find one? Tell us the story, as there will be bracelets left in all cities in BC for people to find them and learn about my brother's story. I love my big brother. I know anyone who would have ever met him would love him too"

People have been so supportive, and Joel and Kyler have been taking it very seriously.  They keep books, they are learning banking.  They send out mail.   It's really quite amazing.  And you know what? Seeing the bracelets....makes me almost cry.  It moves our hearts in such a huge way, I wish I had better words to describe it. It may seem like such a small gesture for some but is IMMENSE to us. 

Air Force Beach, Comox

When went to the coast recently we saw this girl sitting with her friends at a huge movie theatre.  A total stranger...and she had on a Love for Daniel.  It was so cool to see.  Here's this girl who most likely grew up in Langley....and there it was.
There have been bracelets all over the world.
They are all over Canada. They are proudly worn in Woodstock ON, places all over Manitoba, Calgary, Lac La Biche, Pouce Coupe BC all over Quebec.  Victoria, White Rock, South Surrey, Lillooet, Comox, Leduc, Vernon, Nanoose Bay.  They have been in Makaha HI, Mazatlan, Myan Riviera, Brazil, Las Vegas, Puerto Vallarta, Disneyland, Niagra Falls, Sarnia, Lake Erie, Hollywood, Minnesota  There is one on Jim Morrison's grave in Ile de France, all different parts of Portugal and Spain.  They wear them in Norway, Germany and New Zealand.  On the tops of mountains like Mt. Begbie! Revelstoke Mountain Resort, One Tree Hill! Egypt!! Italy!!

Ile De France

 

Jimi Hendrix Las Vegas

San Fransisco!  Grand Canyon! New York! North Dakota!!!
They have been on wrists at Canucks games, Avenge Sevenfold, St. Vital Mustang's Football games.  The Hoover Dam, Cuba, even with the Grey Cup.   Paul Brandt has held Love For Daniel in his hand.  It's amazing. And its bound to grow.

If you haven't already joined the Love For Daniel page on Facebook, look it up.  There you can see many more pictures than I have on here, and places I have not intentionally missed.
We have been leaving bracelets randomly around in different cities to raise awareness to Daniel's story.  For example, don't be surprised if...let's say...some bracelets turn up in Okotoks AB, or Prince George, Cranbrook, Calgary....any place really.  Anywhere and everywhere...for as far as we are all concerned, the world DESERVES to know about what happened to Daniel...and know the TRUTH... not the lies.  So the right person is held accountable for his death.

Paul Brandt 

Nothing can be more powerful than the power of love.  For those of you who have bracelets, wear them proudly.  Break them out once in a while if you don't wear them regularly  because you never know whose heart it may touch.  Lets all band together again and pray for justice and peace.  This isn't over...and we want the truth to be told.

Bless you all for your support.

ONE LOVE

Norway

One Tree Hill, NZ

Vancouver Canucks Game

Hollywood

 More pictures on Facebook
                                                               

If you are interested in having your own bracelet you can contact Joel and Kyler either directly at "Love For Daniel" on Facebook, or 
email them at 
lovefordaniel@gmail.com .

8 Months

Clearly it is an understatement to start out with how this has been the worst 8 months of our lives.  I think anyone who has a heart can imagine how hard it is for all who loved Daniel to not think of him every single day.  I am sure there are some people who may read this blog who didn't actually know him.  Maybe they know me, or Steven or maybe even Joel or Lainey.  But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to recognize that the death of a child, brother, friend etc., is tragic to say the least.

It's funny that I start out talking about people who have hearts.  It is extremely difficult for me to not start ranting and raving with anger and hurt feelings.  The things that our family has had to deal with in the last few weeks is nothing short of unnecessary and sad.  Sad beyond words that any one of us, after having survived what we have faced, have to listen to the lies and rumors and judgements swirling around.  Its sad that people can't just build us up, rather than tear us down.

Walk a day in my shoes.
 
Sit on the edge of my bed each morning and dangle your feet as you contemplate whether you can even face the day.
Stand in the shower and as every drop of water hits your body, let it wash the tears from the previous day and night down the drain.
Go into my kitchen and pull out 2 bowls for your children's breakfast ... wishing you were needing 4.
Look at the calendar on the fridge and count back the months, realizing that you haven't heard your child's voice for eight whole months, and knowing for certain you will NEVER hear it again.
Go back to my room and get dressed, every morning resisting crawling back into bed, and never wanting to wake up.
Put on a brave face and be thankful that, for the time being, your living children are safe...but will they stay that way?
Wait a second, what about the father who is now childless...how must he feel?
Both Steven and I go to work every single day, because life has to go forward.  Just when things start to get going in a positive direction, we get knocked down again.

I can honestly say, because I have had the misfortune of having lived through burying a child once before, I know that a child who was killed at the hands of a murderer is much different.  When our baby died, we laid him to rest.  He was at peace and every day that we missed him, was also a day of slight healing.  Our lives were never once the same after, but, we carried on and we survived. I used to say that I could probably handle anything life threw at me because I had buried my child...I didn't mean I could handle this. This time, it seems nearly impossible to survive.  Our baby boy Daniel, can not be at rest.  Or shall I say, we can not be.  After you lose a child, wanting to protect them and care for them does not go away.  I struggle every day with wanting people to know the whole truth and not what the accused would have the world believe. I am so angry.  A normal stage of grief, and one Steven has been stuck on for the better part of these 8 months.

This isn't fair.

This isn't right.
 
I promise you that every day of my life I will tell everyone and anyone the truth, about my son and about that piece of shit who murdered him.

Joshua Tyler Bredo, <----- his legal name.  Joshua Baba,<-----his step father's last name, possibly also his mother's as well. Joshua Buxton <----the name Daniel believed. Josh Chartier, Josh Mitchell.  Any more you can think of??   I guarantee this person is on to his next victim and trust me, no one is safe.  Not children, not employers, not co workers, not politicians, not grieving families of war heroes, not people he calls friends.

Invited to his home??  Look out for hammers, and if he has a globe...don't look inside it...you wont like to see what you find.

I encourage every single person to Google any or all of those names and see what he has done to all innocent people.  Look at his picture.  Study his face and warn all the people you love.  And if you have ever had any doubt about how the afternoon of August 3rd 2011 went, Google Daniel's name.  Read about the candle light vigil, the over 1000 people who attended his funeral, read about how the benefit concert dedicated to his memory raised almost 14,000 dollars (maybe more) for a scholarship in his honor.  That's right, I said honor.  Daniel touched and changed lives.  His writings, his music, his love was never changing, never judging.  He was amazing, kind, gentle.  He loved life, his family,  his friends.  He was the best big brother around, his siblings LITERALLY adored and idolized him.  He wasn't perfect, but he was very easily one of the most if not THE most influential people I have ever known.  And he was my son.  I carried him for 9 (almost 10) months.  I gave birth to him and I loved him every second that his heart beat.  Knowing Daniel made me want to be a better person.  He did that to people, helped them realize their potential.

He told them to sing,
be proud and
love one another.

He was a peacemaker, a lover...not a fighter.

He was a beautiful soul.

We could all take the time it takes to read this to contemplate how lucky this world was to have someone like Daniel in it.  For those of you who have children, thank God that they are still with you.  Please, everyone, be kind to one another.  Do not pass judgement, steer clear from spreading gossip but instead, spread love hope and peace.  A good intention goes a very long way.  Wish for the families of all the children who were taken in the last year to be well.  Everyone handles grief differently and I for one, wish I was back to work on the running trades because that would mean I was doing better than I am.  I wouldn't wish what I, and the rest of Daniel's friends and family are living through on anyone.

Ever.

This wasn't a very happy or hopeful post but, as tomorrow draws near I have to get ready to ...
sit on the edge of my bed and contemplate whether I can face the day.
I have to shower all of today's tears down the drain and
take out 2 bowls for breakfast.......

Not A Fun Post....

On behalf of Steven and I, I am writing this blog.  Although all of them are basically both our thoughts, this one has been talked about at great length between the two of us, and there are some uncomfortable things to be said.  I urge you to think long and hard before reading any further if you are easily upset when reading some possibly graphic information.

The time has come to set some things straight.  I have, from the beginning, tried to not focus a lot on Daniel's death, but more on our journey...as a family, trying to come to terms with such an unspeakable tragedy.  We live our lives trying to uphold his life, and not focus on his death.  How he lived, and not how he died.  But, unfortunately, I am unable to hold my tongue any longer.  Tonight, I am going to talk about some of the events leading up to Daniel's murder, and some of the facts surrounding it.

Daniel moved to Victoria in June.  He was super excited to start a new life there.  I have to admit that I encouraged this move in many ways.  He wanted to spread his wings.  He wanted to live in a city...he wanted to do something he was proud of and make something of himself.  He wanted to go to school, but before that could happen, he needed to make some money and have a concrete plan as to what it was exactly he wanted to be.  He knew it would be in the music field, he was just unsure in what capacity.  His dream was to play, to sing...to write.  But he knew that he had to have a job/career to survive.  He wanted to be a husband and a father some day and knew that working for 9 or 10 dollars an hour wouldn't provide for him the life he dreamed. Daniel had just kind of found his voice.  Not that it had changed at all in the last few years, but he finally could hear what some of us lucky enough to have heard him sing...heard.  Daniel wanted to be a famous musician.  Lofty dream maybe, but he had stars in his eyes and was making huge strides towards this dream.  He was playing at open mics, singing for people and gaining confidence every day.  People really did love him, and loved when he played.

When the first job Daniel hoped for didn't pan out, he started to get worried.  He needed to work.  He really wanted to give Victoria a fair shake, he didn't want to come home.  He called me one day and asked to borrow a few dollars.  He told me that he was going to the employment centre the next day an he was going to find a job.  He never made it to that employment centre.

He texted me the next day with some great news.  He was pretty stoked because he got a job!  He told me that he was on his way to the employment centre when he saw a HELP WANTED sign in the window of the 7-11.  He told his friend that he was with to just wait a moment he wanted to go see what it was about.  He walked in, asked if he could have an applications and drop off a resume...and his life changed.  In those 30 seconds of standing there, asking a clerk. 

There his destiny changed forever. 

He told me, the day that I visited him a few days before his death, that his boss was in the back room looking at the monitor that day and saw him standing in line.  He later told Daniel that when he saw him, he thought the lead singer from Hedley was in the store.  (Hedley was his boss' favorite band).  His boss left the back room and came out to meet Daniel.  He hired him on the spot.

Destiny

Daniel was so proud.  He got the job, he was to start the next day.  Within a couple days Daniel was texting me telling me how much he liked his boss.  He was taking him to dinner at a fancy restaurant to express his gratitude for Daniel catching on so fast and doing such a good job.  Daniel felt appreciated and fortunate to have met such a generous man.  This manager continued to shower Daniel with friendship and care.  They became fast friends and soon they were sharing personal stories with each other.  Daniel was going through a bit of an emotional time over a girl ... and so was this guy.  He poured out his heart to Daniel about how his fiance of 2 years had just broke off  their engagement for no good reason.  She lived in Calgary, and she broke his heart.  Daniel told me that he helped this guy come to terms with his broken relationship.  For as much as this person showered Daniel with praise and encouragement, Daniel felt equally important in this guys well being.  He told Daniel all about how his mother and father were high powered lawyers in both Calgary and Victoria.  They owned 2 firms, one in each city.  That is until just under a year ago, this guy's father passed away after a long and brave fight with cancer.  Daniel felt so badly for him.  This poor guy bore alot of responsibility, trying to keep his family together.  Especially since his father had been having an affair with a girl from the office who was now claiming part of the father's estate because they had a love child together.  Poor guy.  He seemed to be having some difficulty coping after all these complicating circumstances affecting his life.  This guy was so distraught at times, on more than one occasion, he would text Daniel saying that he was going to probably kill himself soon.  Of course, Daniel talked him out of it.  As a reward for Daniel's kindness, this person offered Daniel a job at his mother's law firm in Victoria.  Daniel was hired, by this guy, to be a legal secretary.  Job was starting on September 1st.  Isn't that amazing!! 

DANIEL: 7/30/2011 @ 20:52    "Mum he is so nice to me.  He's incredible.  The big brother I never had.  If it wasn't for him, I would have had to move home.  you have to meet him ASAP"

STACEY:7/30/2011 @ 21:07  "Daniel, please thank him for me"

DANIEL: 7/30/2011 @ 21:59  " he is even more excited to meet you than I am to meet his Mum (my new boss) He cant wait :) :)"

Another great thing that happened was the fact that Daniel had convinced this person to continue his Law studies.  You see, he had already completed 4 years of schooling to become a lawyer but dropped out when his father died.  The stress of school and the problems with his estate were just too much.  But, at Daniel's encouragement, he was going to enroll again in September and finish what he started so he could work in the law firm in Victoria and eventually take it over.

Daniel was set to meet his "New Boss" on Monday August 1st.  Unfortunately, her younger son was sick that day so she couldn't fly in.  But that was okay.  She was going to be there for sure on Wednesday the third.  After all, it was Daniel's first day of orientation at the firm that day. Oh, and "Don't worry about booking a dentist appointment for me in Revy when I am home for my visit, the firm has an amazing dental plan"

KNOW THIS
Everything I have just described so far about this piece of shit, Daniel's boss, his manager is
ALL LIES
....not Daniel's lies,  he believed it all.
 

EVERYTHING DANIEL BELIEVED ABOUT THIS PERSON

WAS

A

LIE.

So, lets recap for a moment.

The fiance in Calgary that just broke up with him?  LIE   There was no girl.  Ever.  As a matter of fact there was never any girls in the picture. We have been contacted by people in Prince George who have informed us about what he does like.  Since he was 16, maybe even before.

His mother and father were high powered lawyers in Calgary and Victoria and even owned firms in both cities.  LIE.   His parents aren't lawyers to my knowledge.  They most definitely don't own any firms in either city.  From all newspaper accounts, his family has nothing to do with him.  All they are responsible for is having created this monster who killed our child.


His father dying of cancer and having complications with his estate because of a risky extra marital affair that produced another heir to the amazing fortune?  LIE    His father isn't dead....and i don't know about any love child nor does it matter.

Daniel was being hired for Sept 1st at the law firm in Victoria?  LIE.  Daniel was fooled.  No new job.  No law firm.  And by the way...he NEVER went to school to be a lawyer...and was never going to school in September.

Wednesday August 3rd 2011.  Daniel's pending meeting his new boss and first day of orientation?
LIE
Daniel died waiting for those two things to happen.

Do any of you see a pattern here?

This guy did all these things.

He told him he looked like a rock star.
He gave him a job.
He showered him with expensive dinners. 
He was generous and giving even to all of Daniel's friends.
He listened to Daniel's thoughts.
He valued him as an employee and a friend.
He told Daniel about his broken heart. His broken engagement.
He told Daniel his father died.
He threatened suicide (only when Daniel was hanging out with other friends and not him)
He offered him a high paying job.


He pulled all the heartstrings.

Friendship,
Money,
Job,
Family,
Broken love,
Suicide,
New Career,
More money,
Fame.

There are so many more lies that I haven't mentioned.  Too many to count.  And some of you may wonder why we chose to share this now.  This is why.

We are angry and disappointed, hurt and broken hearted. More than ever.
We, and all who knew Daniel loved him unlike most.  He was everything you read on Facebook, on here, everywhere.
He loved with his whole entire heart.  He believed in the good of all people.  He wanted to help everyone he could.  He listened to every bleeding heart.  He had joy everlasting.  He was a good soul with an amazing way with people.  He was one in a million.
And he was set up.

Daniel was not stabbed.  He was found face down on a couch in the apartment of his boss, not breathing.  He was hit on the back of the head, not once, twice.  His heart was still beating until later that night, when it could take no more and he died in the hospital. 

I started talking to Daniel at about 1 pm the day he died.  He was telling me how excited he was to have his day of orientation at the "Firm" .  His plan was to meet his new boss, discuss his new job, and later meet his friend Jackson downtown, as they were about to sign a lease on a new apartment.  I had a very normal and loving conversation with him until 2:32 pm exactly.  By 5pm, that piece of shit was calling 911 claiming Daniel attacked him.  We do not believe this one bit.  Never in Daniel's whole life was ever EVEN ONCE aggressive or violent.  Never.  He not once in his whole life had a fight with anyone.  He did NOT have a mean bone in his body.   I saw my son, laying in his casket.  I looked at the wounds on his head, and the ones on his arms from trying to cover himself as he was beaten.  This person responsible for these injuries is responsible for his death.  Period. 
We, as Daniel's parents, will NEVER believe anything else ever.  Not ever ever ever.
We know that Daniel was not leaving that apartment alive that day no matter what.   He lured him there under the assumption that the mother was coming by, and Daniel was going to be taken to the firm.  Daniel would NEVER have compromised meeting his new boss by doing anything that would make him appear to be irresponsible or irrational.  He even took his earring out before he left.  Brittany found it at his house.  When i saw the description of what he was wearing that afternoon, dressy shirt, new jeans, new shoes...he BELIEVED that he was going to make a good first impression.  The scenario that this pathological liar, psycopath wants the world to believe is the same as all the lies he was telling from the beginning.  It is our belief that he set the whole scene, after he beat our child.  He had time.  And we will never accept that he called 911 in a timely manner, he waited until Daniel was not breathing...he probably thought he was dead...then he called.

All we ask of everyone is this.  Please let the truth be told.  Do not believe the lies.  Those who know Daniel, know the truth.  Daniel, our baby, our oldest son, was murdered on August 3 2011 by someone he called a friend.  End of story.

Do we rest comfortably feeling that there will be justice?  No. We acknowledge with disappointment that it has been an uphill battle from the start, now more than ever.   Do we believe that he will pay for what he did to Daniel? Yes we do, for there is a far higher power in control of this.  This coward of a man, will burn in hell for all eternity for what he's done.  For Daniel's death, for placing doubt in the hearts of people who don't understand.  I pray every day that his soul is tortured beyond comprehension as we grieve every day for the life he took. 

Please remember us in your hearts, have compassion and love for us all as we come to terms with all the complications that we KNOW aren't Daniel's doing.  Please send us hope and wish us the best...this journey is getting harder instead of easier.  I wish more than anyone that we could keep on keeping on....But dare I say, i am further behind than I am ahead.

We are proud of our beautiful son.  Our love is never ending.  And we look forward to seeing his smiling face once again.


Justice For Daniel 
Always
Stace

It intrigues me why, as more time passes between blogs, the harder it is to write again.  I have so much to say...I write blogs in my head every single day.  Lately I want to rant.  I want to tell people what its like to live a day in my life.  How easily my feelings can sometimes be hurt, and on the other hand, how numb I feel.  I don't want to say thinga to drum up any extra sympathy or attention....I just don't think people get it.
As our lives plod on, it is sometimes all I can do to feed my kids and tidy my house.  I work all week, like every normal person.  I have a smile on my face.  I am personable and cheery...but by 5 ...I generally have little left.  What people who think I should "get over it"  or who think I am "milking" my time in the office ...what they dont realize are the simple things in life that seem enormous too me.  Burying two children and surviving, is a feat many can not possibly imagine.  As this last weekend, Revelstoke said goodbye to another sweet angel, I couldn't help but weep for the parents and siblings and friends.  I imagine that I will feel like that after every tragedy that hits close to home.  But here are the hidden things people don't realize.  Today, I had to call the govenment of Canada to discuss what monies are owing to Daniel for his CPP contributions.  I sit on hold, for 40 mins.  holding in my hand a letter asking me to call them.  THen I have to explain why I am calling, I say..."Hi my name is Stacey.  I am calling regarding a letter I received addressed to the Esate of my deseased son Daniel"     This week I have to call Daniel's employers and ask for his T4's so I can file his very last tax return.  On Monday, I had to take my two survuvung children to their regular grief counselling session, and i go as well.   I have to send a picture to the local Funeral home of my baby, so his new headstone can be completed because it was damaged during its refurishing.  (I wanted more than anything to have the boys' markers be exactly the same (just like I used to dress them like twins)...I wanted baby's to look brand new so  they matched)  This spring, the baby's will be brand new, and they will match identically.

17 Years

February 17 1995. A day forever ingrained in my heart and burned in my mind. It was a cold and snowy morning, the day that my life changed forever.  The direction of all my hopes, dreams and innocence was beyond shattered.  Beside me that morning when I went in to check on the baby, wondering why he was sleeping so late, was my Daniel.  Just three and a half he was, a little boy.  And in an instant.....our world was destroyed.  As I reached into my baby's crib Daniel said "Wake up my baby brother".... as I touched his cold little cheek....I screamed.  My Granny and Mum were visiting us and were able to whisk Daniel into my bedroom and lock the door.  He did not witness the ensuing chaos, but if you asked him...he felt like he did.   February 17th, 1995....Daniel went from being a big brother, to being an only child.  And I went from being a mum of 2 boys, to having only one. 

I have shared before how Daniel was my reason to live on those first months.   I spent more than one day at the beginning laying on my bed crying....tears falling down my cheeks, and he would lay beside me, wiping each tear away, one by one, each as they fell.  "Please Mummy, don't cry"  I tried to be brave, but I was young...and lost. 

As we lived our life without the baby, we always talked about him, much like we do now with Daniel.  Daniel grew up telling stories about his brother.  Drawing pictures in school and proudly including his brother in every "info" session when asked about his life.  When Daniel again became a big brother, he made sure both Joel and Lainey knew all there was to know about their angel in heaven.  As a matter of fact, I think Lainey was about 4 years old before she realized that she had never actually met him. 

I can't say that I did everything right when it came to guiding Daniel through that very hurtful, confusing time.  I did the best I could, and so did he.  We talked all the time about seeing him again some day, ever wondering if he would still be a baby, knowing he was our angel. 

Daniel dreaded today.  No one who knew me then, and some that know me now, can't help but reflect on this day.....Daniel wrote about it...in a way, it kind of defined us...my oldest son and I...bonding in a most unique way.  The same way I now bond with Joel and Lainey. 

Joel looked like him, Lainey reminded me of him when she was a baby...the sweetness, a good sleeper.   He loved Bambi, Tonka trucks, Cars and fish.  He would sit with Daniel and endure "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" sometimes twice a day it was Daniel's most favorite...because of the singing I am sure (and the hot chick).  He would ask questions and Daniel would explain who was who, although Daniel would be annoyed with him if, from one time to the next  he couldn't be certain which "Dorf" was which.   They were so cute.  I bet they are cute together again.  Catching up on all that's passed.  What a reunion it must have been.  I know my Kristian Jaymes was the first to greet Daniel that day.  With open arms, saying "You're finally here my big brother...oh how I have missed you"  I can see it all in my mind, and feel it in my heart.  My two boys together again.  Steven's children.  Now they wait for us.

Lainey shared with me tonight that although she never got to meet the baby, she has had more dreams about him since Daniel has gone, than she has even had of Daniel himself.  She has dreamed of her and him playing at the beach, hugging, kissing.  Her carrying him on her hip, and him gazing at her beautiful face.  She's building memories with him now, and I thank Daniel for that, her dreams are now possible because of him.  How blessed is she to be able to see that beautiful baby.  I envy it.

I feel guilty now and then, about how 17 years and the death of Daniel has in some strange way, dulled the pain of losing the baby.  Even though a fourth of my heart was missing, I managed to get through these 17 years.  I cried buckets shortly after Daniel was gone, wailing about how I forgot how it felt to lose him because of the all consuming loss of Daniel....and this time it was Joel who wiped my tears.  Physically from my now not so young face, saying "Don't cry Mummy, Kiki knows you love him too...It's okay to let go of some of that pain, Because both pains are too much"   Sheesh, where do these kids come from???  My amazing children.   I am truly the luckiest, unlucky girl in all the world.

Kristian Jaymes Levesque  March 3 1993 - February 17 1995.  Always my little angel....

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