Today it has been exactly six long months since I last saw my Daniel. I remember it as if were yesterday. My Granny and I went to the Tsawassen ferry terminal to pick him up for a visit. He was a foot passenger, so we parked my car and went into the terminal to wait for him. He was texting me the whole time. When the ferry arrived my heart was beating so fast. I was bursting with excitement!! I hadn't seen him in 6 weeks!! We talked almost every day by text, and he was going through such an exciting time in his life!! My Granny, who was 88 at the time, was also so excited. Daniel is, after all, "Baby Jesus" as we called him, in her eyes. She adores him. He and her had such a special bond. My Granny spent a lot of time with Daniel as he grew up. Her and I are exceptionally close and for Daniel's first 3 years, Steven and I lived at the coast (she lives in Langley). Every Thursday while Steven went to school, Daniel and I would load up in our little car and drive through rush hour to go see her. We spent the better part of those days with her and often came back on weekends. Granny has some very funny stories and memories of Daniel. He was her precious one. If I had something to do in the city, she would keep him for me. As many of you know, Daniel was never at a loss for words and it started very young. He talked before he walked. And he could carry on the funniest of conversations and a very young age. I think his destiny to work at a grocery store started early. While most little ones heart's desire is to go to a toy store for fun, when Granny would ask him what he would like to do with her he would say "Fafeway Nanny!!" Daniel loved Safeway more than anything. Like a good Granny would do, she would indulge him. He would sing in the grocery cart from start to finish, most often singing songs he made up. One of Granny's favorite stories is about how he would INSIST she buy the weirdest things. One day all he wanted was olives. Olives?? He was 2!! But, she bought them for him and he cuddled up with the jar all the way back to the farm. He put them in her cupboard proudly and there they sat for years. On many other visits he would check to make sure she still had them. You see, Daniel didn't like olives. He just liked what they looked like, and liked that his Granny would buy him anything he wanted. Six months ago, when his ferry was landing, he texted me these words (I still have them on my phone to this day) "Mum! I am here! Are you ready to meet the man of your dreams??" I remember I thought it would take a bit of time to dock so I hurried off to the washroom first. While I was gone, the man of my Granny's dreams came bounding down the ramp with his arms wide open...from the top of the ramp to the bottom where that little old lady was sitting patiently waiting came this new man...arms out so wide and running toward her. He embraced her, she says, as if it was the first time he had ever greeted her. When I returned to see them still hugging it brought tears to my eyes. What Granny always marveled about was how Daniel was NEVER too old or shy to hug her and love her in public, and that day was no different. When he saw me he hugged me so tight he lifted me off the ground. He very loudly told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. That whole day he didn't stop talking. He gushed about all his new friends, his new dreams, his song he had just recorded. He was so happy. When I was returning him to the ferry later that night, he at one point turned and said to me "Mum, do you think I have changed?" I said..."How do you mean Daniel?" He went on to explain to me how he felt different. How excited he was with his future. How he felt like he was truly the most blessed of boys. I told him very plainly "Daniel, I am so proud of you, I am glad you are happy and I see the change you mean." And I did. I wish so much I could explain on here all the things we discussed but I can't really. But what I can say that Daniel WAS so happy. He had come to terms with a lot of things in his life. He was moving on. On to bigger and better things. Alas, almost all that Daniel was dreaming of was a lie. From the day that he started work in Victoria, he was fed lie after lie after lie. And my poor boy believed it all.
When I said goodbye to him, I watched him walk away from me. And I knew. I had an overwhelming feeling that that was going to be my last goodbye...I kid you not. I even shook my head as if to shake away the feeling, told my self to not be so silly....and I drove away. Ever thinking how great our time was that day and evening. How wonderful it was to have been able to spend that time with him, and how proud I was of what he was becoming. Daniel was a man now, and he was everything I loved in this world.
Tonight, as I reached for Daniel's journal, a page fell on to my lap. No kidding. I am most certain it is what I am meant to share.
Ray Of Light
A ray of light, casts shadows long
on a childlike man, who thinks in song.
Whose light has flickered, and burned aground.
The temples of Eden, where perfection was found.
Redemption came in the small ray of light,
rejecting pain, and all is made right.
By the beauty and bliss of love with no rain,
and perfection in Eden, created again.
Daniel J. Levesque
Oh Daniel....I would do anything to take you to Fafeway for olives, one more time xo
