So, today was especially hard for some reason. i guess i really just miss my boy. As i watch my 2 younger children's tears, my heart breaks even more. This is not fair. Not fair one bit. As i take care of some of the necessary things that have to be sorted out, i reach for a death certificate. Why in heaven's name do i have in my possession not one but TWO death certificates in 2 boys names!! i can not believe that this is my life. What a bad dream :(
On September 1 there is another court date. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank Laurel Russel for making the trip to Victoria last time, and again this Thursday proudly wearing Daniel's picture an red ribbon. Representing our family and all of Daniel's friends. This court date is an appearance to enter a plea. My prayers and wishes are for a "guilty" plea someday...although it is unlikely. I wish for it. Please pray for it.
I found this Bible verse in Daniel's things today in his handwriting (oh! and i found another dime xo)
"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own"
Matthew 6:33-34
Be well
Stace
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Sunday, 28 August 2011
My Soul Aches
Well here it is, Sunday night and it has just taken me about 2 hours to figure out how to set up a blog. As you can all imagine, the person i would have turned to for help with this, was Daniel. I do have a lot of things to share about my trip to Victoria, and yet, not really much at the same time. I do see what Daniel loved so much about that beautiful city. It was so easy to see him at my every step. (Meeting Dan and George at the Baja Grill was by far the best part....i know Daniel's heart is still there)
I started my morning off by heading directly to the RCMP head quarters to meet with the investigators. Right from the start i was scared and nervous. A grieving mother standing at the doors of the Victoria Major Crime Unit was just not somewhere i ever imagined my feet would take me. The 2 detectives that i first met with were very kind. i dont imagine that they expected someone like me when they set up this meeting. There i stood feeling like a little girl, wanting to meet these people who are in charge of finding even a slight bit of reasoning to this earth shattering tragedy. These men never knew my son. The day they met him, he was already gone. He was referred to in the papers as the "second homicide victim in Victoria in 2011". I was there to not let him be that anymore. In my sweaty little hands i held 2 local newspapers form Revelstoke, and the card from his funeral. I wanted them to read every word and see pictures of my beautiful son who loved life ...the poet, the musician, the love of my life.
In the first few minutes of our meeting, i realized that they wanted the same thing as me. They wanted to know who Daniel was. How confused must they all be!!! Here is this, by all accounts, vibrant young aspiring musician...dead. and for what??
They let me ramble on and on about how much i loved him and how he really was a good boy. Make no mistake, i was very clear that Daniel probably didnt tell me everything, but he told me a lot. I have texts to prove it. I know Daniel wasn't perfect (who is) and i am sure he kept things from his mother (who doesn't) but for the things that mattered....i knew. I explained that I have countless letters in my facebook inbox that said the same things about Daniel as I was saying. He was amazing, a true inspiration, a defender of the weak, often a friend to the friendless...and i didnt know all that because i am his mum, everyone knows this about Daniel.
Now for the uncomfortable information. They were unable to give me any real information to tell the truth. What they could tell me was that they have known right from the start that Daniel was a victim, in every sense of the word. When the detectives arrived on the scene that night, what they saw (i dont know what that was), told a completely different story to what was described earlier that night in the 911 call. They told me, that they did not hesitate in arriving to the conclusion that this was a murder.
What makes this investigation so complicated, more complicated than most, is that there are no witnesses. There were only 2 people there that evening, and one cant tell his side. What is also going to make this road even longer is the facts.....what the police "think" happened, what their guts are telling them, and what they can prove, are two vastly different things. They very sensitively, explained to me that this is going to get worse before it gets better. And that makes me sooo sad. Another thing i learned, is that the person in custody isnt talking....at all....so i guess its up to lawyers now.
After almost 5 hours, and 3 detectives, my day was done. I left with more questions than answers. More heartache. I know that Daniel's personal life will be attacked....there will be lies spoken, and truth about what happened to him in his last few hours of life is going to sear my heart again. He was 20, but he was still my baby. He was independent and living his life away from me, but he's still my baby. He was on his path to success and happiness ...and i couldn't be more proud of my baby. i miss him so much.
So, as of this very day, it has been 25 days since Daniel left this earth. It seems like its been forever, and yet at moments i still find myself hoping that it isnt real......
May Peace and Love Prevail
Stacey
I started my morning off by heading directly to the RCMP head quarters to meet with the investigators. Right from the start i was scared and nervous. A grieving mother standing at the doors of the Victoria Major Crime Unit was just not somewhere i ever imagined my feet would take me. The 2 detectives that i first met with were very kind. i dont imagine that they expected someone like me when they set up this meeting. There i stood feeling like a little girl, wanting to meet these people who are in charge of finding even a slight bit of reasoning to this earth shattering tragedy. These men never knew my son. The day they met him, he was already gone. He was referred to in the papers as the "second homicide victim in Victoria in 2011". I was there to not let him be that anymore. In my sweaty little hands i held 2 local newspapers form Revelstoke, and the card from his funeral. I wanted them to read every word and see pictures of my beautiful son who loved life ...the poet, the musician, the love of my life.
In the first few minutes of our meeting, i realized that they wanted the same thing as me. They wanted to know who Daniel was. How confused must they all be!!! Here is this, by all accounts, vibrant young aspiring musician...dead. and for what??
They let me ramble on and on about how much i loved him and how he really was a good boy. Make no mistake, i was very clear that Daniel probably didnt tell me everything, but he told me a lot. I have texts to prove it. I know Daniel wasn't perfect (who is) and i am sure he kept things from his mother (who doesn't) but for the things that mattered....i knew. I explained that I have countless letters in my facebook inbox that said the same things about Daniel as I was saying. He was amazing, a true inspiration, a defender of the weak, often a friend to the friendless...and i didnt know all that because i am his mum, everyone knows this about Daniel.
Now for the uncomfortable information. They were unable to give me any real information to tell the truth. What they could tell me was that they have known right from the start that Daniel was a victim, in every sense of the word. When the detectives arrived on the scene that night, what they saw (i dont know what that was), told a completely different story to what was described earlier that night in the 911 call. They told me, that they did not hesitate in arriving to the conclusion that this was a murder.
What makes this investigation so complicated, more complicated than most, is that there are no witnesses. There were only 2 people there that evening, and one cant tell his side. What is also going to make this road even longer is the facts.....what the police "think" happened, what their guts are telling them, and what they can prove, are two vastly different things. They very sensitively, explained to me that this is going to get worse before it gets better. And that makes me sooo sad. Another thing i learned, is that the person in custody isnt talking....at all....so i guess its up to lawyers now.
After almost 5 hours, and 3 detectives, my day was done. I left with more questions than answers. More heartache. I know that Daniel's personal life will be attacked....there will be lies spoken, and truth about what happened to him in his last few hours of life is going to sear my heart again. He was 20, but he was still my baby. He was independent and living his life away from me, but he's still my baby. He was on his path to success and happiness ...and i couldn't be more proud of my baby. i miss him so much.
So, as of this very day, it has been 25 days since Daniel left this earth. It seems like its been forever, and yet at moments i still find myself hoping that it isnt real......
May Peace and Love Prevail
Stacey
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