A Word From Joel

Hello there.  My name is Joel and I am Daniel's baby brother.  For those of you who don't know I am the third born of four children.  I have two older brothers, one of whom I never met.  His name is Kristian Jaymes.  He died before I was born.  He is three years older than me.  When I see pictures of him, I do see a strong resemblance to me.  Maybe because we were both blonde?  I'm not sure. 

Daniel and Kiki

Daniel and me

My oldest brother is Daniel, and for those of you reading this, he has probably touched your life in some way.  I want to tell you how he touched mine, and how his death has affected me, and my family.

For as long as I can remember, Daniel was who I wanted to be.  Him and I were much different.  In most ways.  Although he was a natural at sports, he didn't like hockey like I do.  He was a really good reader, something I am not.  He was talented in poetry and music, and although I try, it's not my thing.  But we were still very close.  I looked up to him.  He was my older brother and my hero.  He never fought with me, he never yelled at me.  I always knew I was his treasure.  Daniel was five years old when I was born.  My Mum says he was so happy to have another brother.  He cuddled with me, he read to me and he let me watch him, play video games (as long as I was quiet).  As we grew up (and Lainey came into our lives)  He taught me respect, love and compassion.  When he was a teenager, I saw him get in trouble with our Mum sometimes, and he was sure to tell me (once they made up) to not do the things he did. Because, as he said, our Mum didn't need more trouble.  I guess he kind of broke the way for me.  I looked so forward to being a teenager, so we could talk about girls together.

Before Daniel moved to Victoria, we said our goodbyes.  I could not have known that it would be the last time I would ever see him.  When he hugged me, so tight, he whispered in my ear "Please take care of Mum and Lainey ok?  You're the man of the house now.  They are your girls"  I will never forget those words.

AUGUST 4, 2011

On August fourth 2011, I was going to get up early and go to the gym.  Mum had just come to get me from Lillooet the night before, and it was just her and I at home that morning.  I will never forget that day for as long as I live.  The smell of the morning, the heat, the sound of the knock at the door.  My alarm had just gone off but I hadn't got out of bed yet when I heard it.  I kind of panicked because I thought I was running late and my ride was already waiting.  I rushed to answer the knock.  When I opened the door there was a police man there.  He asked for my Mum.  I thought I had maybe done something wrong.  My first thought was that my basketball hoop must be too close to the road.  When I called for my mother, I think she must have known right away what was going on, she yelled for Daniel as she ran to my side.   I stood there beside her when the officer took off his hat.  He asked her name and then broke the news to her.  I watched as the woman I love more than anything in the world, listened to the police tell her, that Daniel was dead.  DEAD.  He was dead.  I couldn't even move.  I could hardly breath, I couldn't talk and I couldn't even help my Mum as I watched her fall to the floor.  The scream that came from her was something I hope never to hear from any other human being again.  It can't be described.  Then I realized...my brother was gone. 
It hit me.  At 15 years old maybe I don't really understand death, or didn't until now.  My mother was just told, in front of me, that now she has only two children left.  And now I am the oldest.

NOW I AM THE OLDEST

In one second I went from being the third born to my mother's oldest living child.  I cried very little.  I watched as people came and went.  I shot hoops, I tried to comfort my little sister.  But really, I was in shock.  My oldest brother was murdered.  And now we are planning a funeral.  All the days  are kind of blurry and we made it.  But it's been a rough road at times.

LOVE FOR DANIEL

I have tried to think of ways to honour Daniel.  We miss him every day.  That's why we wear the red bracelets. They are important to me and my family.  It's not like we need to be reminded about him, because we miss him every day, but when I see my friends, Daniel's friends and even strangers wearing them, I know they are fighting for him like we are.  We want justice and peace.

LIFE AFTER

I can not tell you how it is to live at my house.  At least, not well enough for people to understand the magnitude of our grief.  We have our good days and bad.  Last night my Mum and Lainey and Daisy and I went up to the cemetery at 11pm to cover my brothers headstones with the boxes Mr Howard helped me make in wood work last year.  I saw my Mum break down crying about how cold it was.  There is something about the first snow fall every year for her.  Here is a picture I took this September.

They are now covered with cedar boxes, that are now covered with snow.  My poor Mum goes here often.  And she cries and cries.  And I help her clean up the dead flowers.  And every time, I help her back to the car.  It's the saddest thing you could ever see.  A mother at the grave of her two sons.


WHY I AM WRITING THIS

I am not writing for extra sympathy.  We know people are sad for us.  I am writing for two reasons.  I am now 16 years old and doing the best I can being a man around the house.  Helping my sister and my Mum through hard times and remembering my brother who I loved SO MUCH...every day.  I see my Mum go to work.  She tries really hard but I am SICK AND TIRED of the extra grief she gets from certain people in this town.  No one sees what she goes through at home.  Her heart is broken and if you can believe there are people who are very unkind.  Believe me, she doesn't need this.  She didn't want me to write this part but I can't take it.  If I learned anything from Daniel I learned this...we have to stick up for the ones we love.  And I love her.  So for the certain people out there who make her cry...STOP IT.  We don't want it.  I don't want it and she doesn't deserve it.

I have decided that we need to get some resolution and peace.  My mum and Lainey and I have decided to do a worldwide prayer day.  On December 9th 2012 we are going to gather with our friends and sit down and pray for justice for Daniel. 

Stacey writes: December 9th is one year from the day that the person responsible for Daniel's death was released from jail.  For those of you who don't know, Daniel's death is still considered a homocide and is being investigated actively to this day.  What we want is for everyone reading this to take time out of their day on December 9th to pray for justice.  At 4:00 pm, light a candle and sit and pray.  The thing we want most is accountablity .  We want the guilt in the heart of Joshua Bredo to be too much for him.  We want him to speak up and set the record straight, because Daniel can't.  We want the investigators to look at the case with fresh eyes and see what maybe isnt obvious to them at the moment.  We want movement, we want answers.  Daniel very much believed in prayer.  He believed in the higher power of God and so do we.  For those of different beliefs, please just sit still and send the right intentions to the right places.  Concentrate hard on the outcome we want.  What you read in the papers isn't the whole story, please believe us and please help us.  We will gather in numbers here, and we hope all of you all over the world will do the same.  Please help us.  Daniel is and always will be, a victim.

My life as a teenage boy isn't how it should be.  I shouldn't now be the oldest.  I shouldn't have to watch Lainey and Mum cry themselves to sleep and you're right...it isn't fair.  Daniel will not see me graduate.  He will not be the best man at my wedding and he will not hold my future children.  He will always be the "Uncle" they never knew...and the brother I miss every day.  He was Steve's only living child and its not fair.  I love Steve and Lisa, I love my grandparents and Daniel's grandparents and I watch them cry because Daniel was ripped out of their lives.  I am mad.  I know it's not good and Daniel would want me to not have anger but I  cant help it.  I want my brother back but I can't have him because of that terrible person hit him on the head and he died.  I have to live with this for always.  And no one really understands.  I wish everyday I was a normal 16 year old boy, but I am not.  Joshua Bredo took that luxury away from me when he killed my brother.

Thank you for reading my story, it wasn't easy to write.  I just wish more people could understand that even though life goes on...it really doesn't for us.  Although we wear smiles on our faces, like my Mum says...our joy will never be so joyful as it once was, our sunny days aren't quite as sunny...and I will always think about that day when I open the door.....