So here it is...another post started....I have started and not finished about five different posts since May and been unable to finish them. Tonight I am going to try to finish this.
As many people know, we are fast approaching probably the most horrible day of my, Steve's, my children's and our families lives. Tomorrow specifically marks the last day that I saw my son alive. How thankful I am that I was able to last visit him. Tonight I am going to share what exactly happened on those horrible days.
In July of last year I worked really hard in order to get a few days off at the end of the month. I planned a trip to the coast to see my grandmother with the hope that Daniel would be able to come to the mainland and see me, and her, as well. Things worked well and that is just what happened. July 31, 2011 was spent from the morning till night visiting, laughing and catching up with Daniel. As I have mentioned before on some previous blogs, we talked non stop and just had a really great day. To back up just a bit, the night before I saw him I had a TERRIBLE nightmare. I dreamt that Lainey was taken from us. I woke up in a cold sweat with a terrible feeling in my stomach because she was not travelling with me and was due to come down to my Granny's the day I was leaving. I shook the feeling off in the morning but unfortunately the feeling came back as I watched Daniel walk to the ferry terminal gates after we said our good bye's. I hugged him tight and watched him walk away and i was suddenly hit with a searing pain in my heart. "it's him" I thought. I am going to lose him. I literally shook my head and said to myself....stop being so silly, but I couldn't make the thoughts go away.
I talked to Daniel on the telephone the next day as he ran an idea by me for Lainey's birthday present. I had told him not to worry about sending anything because he was coming home so soon and she wouldn't mind waiting to get her gift in person. He suggested to me "Mum, I was talking with Josh and and every year he pays for his brother's soccer registration, maybe I could do that for Lainey because she loves soccer so much and it would also help you" I explained to him that it was a wonderful gesture but that Lainey's soccer is in May and that was a long time away....and of course complimented him on how generous his new friend Josh must be to be so thoughtful with his young brother. (I now know this was just another one of his deceitful lies to my child. Making himself sound like such a great person. It's disgusting)
On August second I drove to Lillooet to get Joel and bring him home. I stayed the night and together we ventured back home. It was an awful trip really, one I don't even like to remember. When we returned home, we decided to go to a movie. If you can believe, the movie started at 745 and it was called "Horrible Bosses" looking back it couldn't be more ironic as it was at precisely 745 that Daniel took his last breaths, his injuries at the hands of his horrible boss. I had been talking with Daniel that afternoon. He was telling me how excited he was for his first day of orientation at "The Firm" and how elated he was to meet Josh's lawyer mother. He also told me all about the lease he was signing with Jackson on their new apartment. He was meeting Jackson in town after his time with Josh's mom. Of course he didn't show up. Jackson's calls went unanswered that evening as he tried calling and texting his friend who lay dying in the Victoria hospital. Imagine poor Jackson's heart and soul as the Saanich police knocked on his door later that evening, because the address on Daniel's ID was the house they shared. Poor Jackson spent the wee hours of his 19th birthday in the Victoria police station trying to explain what he knew about Josh, Daniel, and trying to make sense of how this could happen to a friend he loved. the police took his phone and Jackson went home unable to even contact his own mother....as all of the rest of Daniel's world slept...not knowing that he was dead.
The Revelstoke RCMP came to my house at 1 am to tell me the terrible news. But Joel and I did not hear them. It was a hot night, much like the past few nights, same smells, same heat. We both had our fans on and Daisy had been at my parents during this time because I had been away. She would have heard them knocking and barked if she was home. The RCMP came again at 3am and we didn't hear them again if you can believe. But then at 8.. ..Joel heard them. He was awake and expecting a ride to the gym. When he answered the door, he says he thought that they were unhappy with his basketball hoop too close to the road. Funny how innocent his thoughts once were. When they asked to speak to his mother, he called out to me. "Mummy" he called out, and woke me up. I opened my eyes and he said "the police are here" I BOLTED out of bed and screamed DANIEL!!!! as I was running to the door. I knew it was him. I knew they were here to tell me about my Daniel. It was just exactly like in the movies...the way I remember it. I ran to the door and the officer slowly removed his hat.
He said "Are you Stacey Thur?" and I blurted out "Where's Daniel!!" He said again "Ma'am, are you Stacey Thur" I said back "Yes I am what happened to Daniel??" And he said "I am sorry to have to tell you this, but Daniel is deceased" I screamed SO loud. "NO!!!!! Not Daniel!!!!!" "Oh my God!!!" The officer explained to me that he didn't know what had actually happened but that it was a homicide investigation. "He was murdered??? How????" That poor officer. That must easily be one of the hardest parts of their job. He had no answers for me and I was hysterical. Thankfully Paul Carter from victims assistance was also there to comfort me, and Joel, until others came to be with us.
My neighbour across the street was driving by when the police first got to the door and kind of giggled to himself "I wonder what the police are doing there" and by the time he turned around in the cul de sac and drove by again, he saw me screaming. I screamed so loud for so long my neighbour from next door came over running, knowing that it was the howl of a mother in shear agony. I stepped backward as i was yelling and tripped over my bike that was in my mudroom, falling to the floor and injuring both my rotator cuffs, both shoulders. I got up and ran to the bathroom and threw up for about 10 minutes. All the while, my 15 year old son had to watch. He watched my world fall to pieces in front of his eyes...and there wasn't a single thing he could do to help me. Not even letting the fact sink in that his older brother whom he loved and adored, was dead. Can you imagine how that was for him? My poor son. My poor Daniel....and Lainey was in Langley sleeping and oblivious to it all.
The task of having to tell the people that mattered in those first few hours was horrible. I had to call my auntie Lindsey, who had been with us on July 31st, visiting with Daniel, and ask her to wake Lainey to tell her. It was easily the hardest thing she would have ever done. I look back and can't believe I asked that of her, but I guess there was no other choice. I asked her to tell my Granny first of course. I think I explained the unique relationship my Granny had with Daniel. He was her "baby Jesus" as we used to say. He did no wrong, he was her most precious. I never did ask how that conversation went. I am sure I don't want to know. Poor Lainey woke up all bleary eyed and sat on her bed and listened to the news Lindsey had to give. Although it was enormously difficult for her to be away from me in those first few hours, I sometimes think it was a blessing in disguise. For the first few hours here, were hell on earth. (Granny, Auntie Lindsey and Uncle Mel brought Lainey home that afternoon, thank God)
I struggled to think of who needed to know. In my deepest sorrow and shock I made sure that Steven and Derek would know first. The RCMP called the detatchement in Lac La Biche to have them go to Steven's house. No sooner did they have it arranged I suddenly remembered that Daniel told me Steve was coming home to get Lisa from her mom's. Thank goodness I remembered, and they were able to go to Lisa's Mom's and break the news to him. For the second time, Steven had woke up to bad news about one of his son's. How is that fair? Poor Steven. Poor Lisa. Joel insisted on calling his Dad, he was in Golden and had to drive back alone....awful.
I regret the lack of control I had in how some people found out. I wanted everything to go the way it should, but I could barely wrap my head around the fact that this was happening to me AGAIN.
I remember the first phone call I had with the detectives later in that day. They gave their sympathies and were unable to tell me what happened, as they were very confused. I remember I asked "Where is Josh?" And the detective said "Why would you ask about Josh?" "Because he is Daniel's best friend! He must have been with him" They, at that time, did not tell me that Josh was indeed in custody for Daniel's murder.
The next weeks, days almost months are kind of a blur. Here it is 12 full months later and I am still not truly accepting the fact that he is gone forever. Its monumentally painful. And I hate it.
I didn't write this account of those terrible days to drum up sympathy or sorrow. I didn't even write it to seem like I am living in the past, constantly torturing myself with flashbacks (although I get those hourly). I, indeed wrote it for these reasons:
1) I don't want to ever forget, being that this has easily been the saddest year of my life. I do acknowledge that there may be a time when my memory escapes me. Perhaps one day my children may want to read about it to possibly understand why their mother is so irrationaly sad or irritated, or both. Perhaps when they are older they will read these things and they may give themselves permission to feel a bit sorry for themselves, knowing what they have lived through. On the other hand, maybe they will read this and feel proud to know that they survived. I have no doubt they will indeed turn out to be amazing adults with hearts filled with joy and happiness with a corner reserved for the brother they love so dearly and miss so much. And maybe some day, when I am fortunate enough to meet someone who loves me, they to can read this and have some understanding on how strong I can be, and yet so weak at the same time.
2) I also wrote this for the people who love us so dearly. The people who literally parented for me, watched over my house, my children, my dog. The friends who, without a word of a lie, spoon fed me so I would not die. They need to know that in the deepest shadows of my despair, even when I said No when they asked me to eat and drink, when I could not get undressed or dressed, when I had to be told when to shower, when to take my medicine, when to breath....I am forever grateful. For without you, I would not be here today. There were people who made sure my bills were paid, made sure I still had a job to go to. And in all truth, I needed all these things because I was literally incapable of doing even the basic necessities of life.
3) Another reason is for the people who wish my family ill will. It may seem petty to even mention them, but there are people in this world who think we should just get over it. I believe that i should have been able to go to work (and even now) and not have some people suggest that I am "Milking" the situation or suggest that I was at work for ANY other reason than work itself. I can assure these people that getting up every day and being productive was the best therapy I could have had.
Steven also deserved to not to have had to go through the medical issues he faced (he IS ok by the way, not to worry) He and Lisa deserved to have had some questions answered in a far more timely manner than was given them. Out of respect for his situation, treatment and diagnosis should have been immediate instead of having let him suffer with worry ADDED to his sorrow. Here is a man who has now lost his only remaining child. He went to work every day keeping all his feelings bottled up. He certainly deserves better than what life has dealt him in general.....
And finally my children. They deserved their peers, some adults and even some situations to have been handled differently. I am proud to say they went to school nearly every single day and maintained excellent marks. They continued with their sports, Joel coached, he worked. They maintained good spirits despite the long tearful nights that no one else knew about but us. When one of us would cry ourselves to sleep at night, the other two of us worried, wondering if life would ever be good again.And the next morning, all three of us would get up and do it all over again.
4) And lastly I wrote this for Joshua Tyler Bredo, aka Josh Baba (among a score of other aliases) and his family to read so they know just exactly how, for the rest of our lives, we will be scarred. Or hearts were shattered and we will never be the same since YOU took the most beautiful soul away from us. May you all be tortured with the guilt of Joshua's decisions, lies and actions.
I know the people in the last few paragraphs are not likely to read this but it made me feel better to write it anyway.
So I will end this long post now. My eyes are swollen, my heart aches and I miss my beautiful Daniel..
What a long, exhausting year it's been........
Stace
